Against the Jewish People

• For the sin of hating each other more than our enemies.
• For the sin of forgetting Jerusalem while remembering Paris.
• For the sin of treating exile as destiny instead of tragedy.
• For the sin of chanting “Never Again” but adding a question mark.
• For the sin of excusing antisemitism when it comes from our political side.
• For the sin of making Holocaust comparisons cheap.
• For the sin of watching thousands of Jewish Instagram and YouTube posts but never subscribing.
• For the sin of praying for unity and voting for division.
• For the sin of mistaking Jewish Twitter for Jewish life.
• For the sin of writing more about falafel than faith.

Against the State of Israel

• For the sin of normalizing insane charges like “genocide.”
• For the sin of inviting murderers to parades of diplomacy.
• For the sin of forgetting about hostages.
• For the sin of bowing to the UN as if it were Sinai.
• For the sin of letting the Temple Mount be ruled by fear.
• For the sin of not buying Israeli products.
• For the sin of treating Israel as a vestigial organ.
• For the sin of confusing moral clarity with extremism.
• For the sin of excusing “Free Palestine” as anything other than a call for dead Jews.
• For the sin of treating Jewish sovereignty as negotiable.

Against the Nations

• For the sin of mourning terrorists more than their victims.
• For the sin of pretending the war from the Global South is only about the land of Israel when they make clear they are coming for America and Europe..
• For the sin of classrooms that celebrate “resistance” with blood.
• For the sin of treating the ICC as holy writ.
• For the sin of UN resolutions drafted by dictators.
• For the sin of excusing antisemitism as “anti-Zionism.”
• For the sin of universities that protect bullies and shame Jews.
• For the sin of liberal values that vanish when Jews need them.
• For the sin of making free speech absolute — except for Jews.
• For the sin of confusing neutrality with cowardice.

Against America

• For the sin of laughing at assassination because of party labels.
• For the sin of mobs deciding what is taught and what is erased.
• For the sin of canceling decent teachers while tenuring radicals.
• For the sin of treating violence as speech and speech as violence.
• For the sin of replacing education with indoctrination.
• For the sin of praising diversity while excluding Jews.
• For the sin of thinking collapse only happens elsewhere.
• For the sin of dividing every citizen into tribes.
• For the sin of confusing patriotism with partisanship.
• For the sin of handing microphones to those who despise us.

Against Ourselves Personally

• For the sin of thinking binge-watching counts as Torah study.
• For the sin of pretending podcasts make us learned.
• For the sin of putting my dog on my lap at the Shabbat table.
• For the sin of descending into a pursuit of immediate gratification.
• For the sin of not prioritizing time with friends and family.
• For the sin of still not calling our in-laws “Ma” and “Pa.”
• For the sin of calling it a fast while sneaking coffee.
• For the sin of turning Kiddush into a buffet strategy.
• For the sin of watching dog videos in bed rather than talking to our spouses.
• For the sin of leaving my sprinkler on over Shabbat.

And the Truly Absurd

• For the sin of blowing the shofar as if it were a car alarm.
• For the sin of fasting — but only until lunch.
• For the sin of turning “Ashamnu” into a group karaoke session.
• For the sin of posting “G’mar Chatimah Tovah” memes.
• For the sin of making break-fast more important than the fast.
• For the sin of asking if lox counts as repentance.
• For the sin of using “teshuvah” as an excuse for procrastination.
• For the sin of making this list too long — again.

For all these things, please pardon us